Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Unifying Theory

People who know me know I am a Skeptic - I believe we all live in a natural universe and that science is a tool to help us understand how that universe works. My friends and family all know that nothing yanks my chain more quickly than claims of the paranormal. I don’t suffer the fools very well who believe in ghosts, lake monsters or telekinesis.

So recently when a friend told me that she believed “something” (or someone) was going into her closet and moving her things when she wasn't there, I challenged her to come up with some type of explanation. Not included among her various hypotheses, however, was the distinct possibility that she herself had moved those items and had simply forgotten.

I was feeling rather smug about my Rational World View until I recently, as has happened to me all too many times before, again had the unsettling experience of having my own small possessions disappear... apparently, completely off the face of the Earth.

Now, surely, I might have concluded that I too had simply misplaced these items. My dark glasses, for example; I wore them just yesterday. I have a strong recollection of having rinsed the dusty glasses off in the bathroom. Yet, they can not be located on the usual surfaces on which they are ordinarily placed. I searched the EVERYWHERE. Nothing! They cease to exist.

Having studied this odd phenomenon for a number of years, I have come to the rational hypothesis there has to exist an Alternate Parallel Universe (APU). Clearly, after using an object, and upon placing it down and diverting one’s attention from it… Poof, it is transported by yet undetermined means to the APU. There can be no other reasonable explanation.

My dark glasses are there now (actually, several pairs) as are a number of screwdrivers and the chuck key to my power drill. Grocery lists are also, I suspect; although some physicists postulate that the wad of dried pulp often found pants pockets removed from the laundry may have been the grocery list at some previous time. Data regarding this is still being gathered. Science has long confirmed that an even number of socks placed into the laundry will result in an odd number of socks coming out. PhDs have written papers on this.

No, the APU seems to be the strongest theory of where my things seem to go when I put them down. And conducting thorough searches of the proximity for these objects invariably turns out to be fruitless.

I don’t believe that man can travel to the APU and recover the lost tools, objects and eyewear. I just believe that at the moment of my final breath, I will have a flash of incredible brain power and suddenly remember exactly where I put my dark glasses, and all the other junk I've misplaced in my life! Although, at that precise moment, it won’t really matter much anymore.


Mary Witzl said...

Have you ever read the children's book The Borrowers, by Mary Norton? Get out a copy and you will see what has been happening to all of those items! It will explain A LOT.

I'm skeptical about a lot of the things I hear too, especially when people start telling me about ghosts and UFOs and the like. Nothing makes me roll my eyes as fast as someone claiming to have seen an aura or to have felt certain vibrations. So please don't get the wrong idea about me when I tell you that I really have seen a ghost.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Mary: I am indeed familiar with the book, as our grandchildren will soon be also!!

Most people have experienced some, or multiple, events that seem to defy our concept of the natural world. Skeptics don't discount this, but rather try to explain them within the context of natural law. I have had similar experiences myself, some very frightening. The "experience" is VERY real. What needs to follow then is an examination of what could have caused us to experience the event in that particular way.

I'd like to hear about it.

Mary Witzl said...

I will have to write this up and e-mail it to you! I just wrote a brief description of it here and it sounds so outlandish I dare not send it. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been there and didn't know myself.