I’m standing there waiting in the grocery checkout line. Perched above the food conveyor is a selection of magazines. There’s “O” magazine with a picture of Oprah, extensively Photoshopped to make her look thinner than she looks (or ever did) in real life. Several of the magazines covers have “teasers” about Jon and Kate. Hmmm, looks like there is a big breakup in the stars for Jon and Kate. I have no f*#king clue who Jon and Kate are.

Ok, familiar face, uh… lips; there’s Angelina Jolie and Prad Pitt. Ok, I know those guys. But why are they still in the tabloids and, more to the point, why do I care?

Celebrity worship is something I have never understood. First off, these people are out of their minds rich because we (not me, the Moron Majority) think that every aspect of their lives is worth observing, pondering and discussing. But I don’t understand what the payoff is for the worshipper? Do they think the celebrity might be their friend? Don’t think so… most celebrities have beefy bodyguards who would knock you on your ass if you ever came near them.

Then there is the Paparazzi element. These guys get paid huge commissions to bring a picture of Angelina eating a taco to a tabloid rag that will have a shelf life of about a week. This I need to figure out, not out of celebrity interest but to determine where the money is in this game.

Most of the people I admired as celebrities are now either dead or out of the media spot light because, well, nobody wants to see them drooling at the Nursing Home of the Stars on ET (Entertainment Tonight). The celebrities I admired who are still working are doing ads for reverse mortgages and denture adhesives. C’mon… do you really need the money that badly Richard Wagner? Where’s your dignity?

Now the celebrity mill is so fast paced that these nobody people will be on some reality TV show for two weeks, be a star for another two and totally forgotten by the time the summer reruns are aired. Oh right, that’s happening now.

When I was a kid, Gene Autry had made about 600 westerns by the mid 1950’s. He took his Hollywood money and invested it in real estate, a major league baseball team and other business ventures. At the time of his death at age 91 he was worth $320 million. I never saw his face on a TV celebrity show or his personal life pasted on a tabloid in the grocery checkout. Gene Autry was famous but he was never a celebrity. As a cowboy, he was just an actor -- but as a man, he was damn real!