Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Lunch Break

The following story is true, it happened to a good friend of mine… whose name I will change for obvious reasons.

My buddy at work lived close to the office so every day he would drive home to have lunch. On this particular day, Fred pulled up to the house, parking his car on the driveway, opened the garage door with the car remote and entering the house through the garage, closing the garage door after him. He tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter then made a sandwich which he ate while watching the news on TV.

Keeping one eye on the time so he wouldn't be late getting back to work, he put the dishes in the sink and grabbed his coat on the way out the front door. He set the lock on the door then closed it securely behind him. Fred then got into his car parked on the driveway and began fumbling for the keys. Damn… his keys (house and car) were still on the kitchen counter where he left them.

Fred then got out of the car and tried the front door – it was, of course, securely locked. Peering in the kitchen window, he could see his keys on the counter. Fred’s anger is now rising as he checked unsuccessfully for an unlocked window. By now Fred is seething. In a final act of frustration he kicked in the front door breaking the door jamb and practically tearing it off the hinges.

Fred now had his keys but the front door was completely damaged and he needed to secure the house before he could go back to work. He got a couple of boards, a hammer and nails from the garage. Back outside and still fuming, he NAILED the front door closed.

Fred then got into his car... as he inserted the key into the ignition, he looked up and noticed there, clipped to sun visor and within easy reach…the garage door opener remote.

16 comments:

The Mother said...

We all do stupid things. Remember when the post office switched to adhesive backed stamps?

I took a whole role back because it didn't get sticky when I licked it. And they weren't perforated.

I imagine the post office clerks got a big laugh out of that one.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You're going to have to explain this to me. Could he have used the garage door remote to enter the house with breaking down the door?

Robert the Skeptic said...

Dr. Mom Too bad life doesn't have a "rewind" where we can roll back and do-over. But then again were that possible, think of all the missed opportunities for humor.

Bananas Yes, precisely. He could have opened the garage door with the remote, entered the house through the garage and retrieved his keys just as he did when he first arrived home to take lunch.

However, you being a gorilla, I can understand your puzzlement... I would assume that, most likely, you would have broken down the door initially upon your arrival.

Penny said...

That is sooo funny. Love it!
What did his family say...
You know, I'll remember this next time I do something really dumb, it'll be a consoling thought.

Murr Brewster said...

Fred is over fifty. I'm just sayin'.

kara said...

I KNOW WHO THIS IS AND HE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE THAT YOU GAVE HIM A GOOBER NAME LIKE FRED.

that was in all caps because they keyboard told me to do it.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Penny "Fred's" wife is quite reserved and dignified; she stoically conveyed that having their front door permanently nailed close was not an acceptable solution to their security issue. They have a very lovely new front door now.

Murr You could add a decade and it would still be a safe guess.

Kara I am sure I could have come up with something better than Fred, but I did give Fred a heads-up that the story was about to be released.

Wow, that was awkward said...

Fred sounds like the kind of guy who looks all over for his sunglasses that are perched on top of his head.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I once met a beautiful American woman who was engaged to a man called Fred. She said she thought he looked like a frog when she first met him, but then he won her over with his charm etc. I hope Kara reads this and then spanks herself.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Awkward I am guilty (repeatedly) of losing my cool while searching in vain for my glasses only to find them perched on my head. Some experiences of man are universal.

Bananas So it is turning out that I could have chosen another pseudonym other than "Fred". I will attempt to use more imagination next time.

GutsyWriter said...

Hi, I'm back and just like Gorilla bananas, I had to think twice about why he could get in his car, but not in the house as I assumed, his car was parked in the garage and the door from the garage into the house is unlocked, just like it is in my house. But then, I have jet-lag and cannot think too much.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Gutsy Ah I see the problem with my story now... I assumed that everyone pictured him parking his car in the driveway but opening the garage door to get in the house.

I have heard this story so many times that I didn't consider how others would try to picture the event. I quick edit is in order!

alwaysinthebackrow said...

This type of thing may be not too far in the future for me. I keep doing stupid stuff, and more and more often. Especially when in a hurry and under stress. I totally can feel for the guy.
As for the sunglasses, that is a man thing....the not being able to see something that is right there. My husband will repeatedly look for something, and tell me it is not to be found, then I will calmly point out to him that if he just moved something else just a bit, he would have seen it....or if he'd felt his head, he'd have found the glasses. so, if your friend is male and of a certain age, it was inevitable.

Robert the Skeptic said...

BackRow There is, of course, the not-so-funny aspect of this declining memory thing. I find now that I will intentionally walk into the bedroom (even if it is out of my way) to deposit my keys in a bowl on my dresser. I have learned that if I put objects down in an unusual place, I will forget where I placed them.

I am hoping this isn't an indicator of what may be unfolding for my future, like... uh, what was I talking about now?

secret agent woman said...

That would really bite.

Robert the Skeptic said...

SecretAgent My buddy called me yesterday; he reads my blog as well. Between us I think we got the facts pretty straight. He and I manage to keep each other seriously entertained with our crazy antics.